I felt the need to write this after hearing the same story too many times. People deserve better.
If she says she does NOT want to go home with you, she doesn’t want to go home with you. If her response is the same the fifth, sixth, seventh time you ask, she still does not want to go home with you.
If you keep asking, and say, by the twentieth time, she caves and says “okay, but only for a bit”, It is because you bullied her.
Yes, bullied.
You made her feel like she had to, like she needed to, like it was the only way for her to stay safe.
Yes, safe.
Safe from criticism, from rumors, from judgement, from harsh names, and yes, possibly even from violence.
“Oh, but I was only playing. I thought girls like to play hard to get?”
Wrong.
Maybe you’re thinking that since you spent the last 3 hours sitting, talking, listening, laughing and smiling with her that the least she could do is come back home with you?
NO.
Another tip, if she twists her body away from you, don’t twist it back. If she pushes your hand away from her body over and over again, don’t keep putting your damn hand on her body. If she goes limp, if she loses her shine, if she suddenly looks confused, angry, sad, lost, stop.
Stop.
Stop and ask her “what is wrong?” She might tell you, or she might say “nothing”, she might get angry that you are stopping, she might cry, she might call you names, she might grab her shoes and storm out of the room. At that moment, she is confused. Why? Because the world has led her to believe that this is what she wants, and the fact that it might not be is terrifying. Has she been pursuing the wrong thing her entire life?
But, I am willing to bet that no matter what happens in that moment, no matter how happy, sad, mad she gets, a few years down the road, she will positively remember the time that someone simply asked if she was okay when she did not appear to be.
Please be the person in her memory that asked about her, that cared about her, that respected her.
If you have ever felt this way, my heart goes to you. Know that anything that happened to you, no matter how small, little or insignificant is wrong. That’s it, plain wrong.
